Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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