More tranny stories later!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
