I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
