my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
