Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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