I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
