U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The uberlube is also flammable
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
