alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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