just come out here and I will go home with you...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
