Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
