i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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