I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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