mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
