girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
