your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
