dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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