i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
