So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is Oprah even human
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
