we're blogging at a bar
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Enjoy the penises
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
