Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
