I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
