So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
