Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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