I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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