NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
