how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
