You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
