I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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