Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
