I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My bed smells like the plague
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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