i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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