I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
