You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
