You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
