i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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