Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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