He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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