Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
