We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
