I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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