i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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