here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
