i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
