Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you would pick up someone in the library
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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