I wish they made helmets for livers.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize