To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
