All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
