I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
