And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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