I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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