He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
