she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
