2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
