Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
