I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
