He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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