420 ftw
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
