Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i came on her dog
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
