If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alive.
So much puke
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize