oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
