loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
