Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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