you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i love accidental penises.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
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