she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i think i just lost a toe
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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