Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
