The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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